Dear Prudence,

I am at once both extremely relieved and very alarmed to hear from you.

What do you mean, you are in Mournhold? If it weren’t for the fact that we have been frantically searching for the past week and a half, I would probably go ahead and tip my hat to you for a wonderfully idealized prank. As it is, you’ll have to admit it has gone too far. The nerve, asking ME to assure you of my existence.

Please, Prudence, call this charade off right now. It really isn’t funny.

Angrily,
Penelope